{"id":188,"date":"2017-12-03T09:22:51","date_gmt":"2017-12-03T09:22:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/?p=188"},"modified":"2017-12-03T17:21:15","modified_gmt":"2017-12-03T17:21:15","slug":"be-fun-be-free-be-fucking-awesome-lighten-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/03\/be-fun-be-free-be-fucking-awesome-lighten-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Be Fun. Be Free. Be Fucking Awesome. Lighten Up!"},"content":{"rendered":"

The three F’s, Fun, Free, & Fucking awesome. \u00a0This is going to be my motto this week. \u00a0A friend and lived the motto well Saturday. \u00a0We wanted to go to the big Bath and Body Candle sale. \u00a0It was a rough week. \u00a0My stomach was not my friend the last few days. \u00a0I finally felt better today. \u00a0Just tired from a rough night and sore from a Fibromyalgia Flare up, see more F’s. \u00a0I will talk about the Fibro another time. \u00a0Recently I had a little fun with the ornaments at Target as Hayley and I would have done together. \u00a0I was quickly matched by a friend the next night. \u00a0Friday my evening did not go as planned. \u00a0After leaving late due to the above gastro issues and falling asleep, I missed my niece’s basketball game. \u00a0I could not get there in time thanks to some traffic and accidents caused by idiots that seem to forget how to drive when it rains. \u00a0I decided after aborting plans that I needed to pick up a few necessities at Costco. \u00a0Imodium, Tums, and my Christmas present \u00a0to myself, a point and shoot camera. \u00a0Immediately I was met and slapped in the face with the Gingerbread House Kits right at the entrance. \u00a0\"\"Each year I bought two. \u00a0The kids would have a contest with Scott and I as the judges. \u00a0Each year Hayley would lose patience about halfway through and start drawing stuff with the icing. \u00a0Last year’s work of art had penises on the roof and other places. \u00a0Needless to say, Henry won. \u00a0I started crying immediately. \u00a0Just big silent tears rolling down my face. \u00a0I worked my way to the cameras and had a great employee help me out. \u00a0Two aisles away another amazing Hayley and Mom opportunity for Fun. \u00a0They had mermaid pillows! \u00a0These are sequin pillows that you rub and they change colors. \u00a0Shortly before her surgery we tried to spell a fun message out of pillows on a shelf in Bed Bath and Beyond. \u00a0We kept being interrupted by an employee. \u00a0Our giggles got loud and we didn’t accomplish our goal so we spent 45 minutes sitting in the massage testing chairs. \u00a0We talked and caught up about Spring quarter.<\/p>\n

Right as I turned down that aisle I got a text from my Target ornament friend and she provided me with a message from a Target in Utah! \u00a0Lol, Hayley has inspired Fun, Free and Fucking Awesome behavior in more than one state. \"\"This picture inspired me to do the same with the mermaid pillows. \u00a0But these suckers are kid magnets and I swear, there were a hundred kids there on a Friday night, mostly unsupervised. \u00a0They kept interrupting my hi-jinks. \u00a0\"\"Finally I accomplished my goal!\u00a0 I had been caught and I just smiled and waved.\u00a0 Get this; the young couple looked disgusted and she, being deaf, signed\u00a0 word “ass” so I know they were talking about me. \u00a0Whatever that was funny shit.<\/p>\n

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One of the things that this tragedy has taught me is that honestly I don’t give a shit what people think of me. \u00a0I have always found being an extrovert came naturally. \u00a0I have faced my worse nightmare.\u00a0 If I want to giggle, swear or have some fun when out and about; and you don’t like it….that is YOUR problem not mine. \u00a0These moments of levity are rare right now. \u00a0So when it happens it is both draining and at the same time makes me feel closer to Hayley. \u00a0Hayley would have climbed into that mermaid pillow bin and wrote an entire sentence while I was the look out. \u00a0I also got odd looks as I sat in a red Barcalounger at the end of the wine aisle playing with my new mermaid pillow. \"\"\u00a0I was tucked under the shelves and needed that break before I hauled my tired ass to the check out. \u00a0But why do we judge people. \u00a0We should admire people that seem to be having fun or doing their own thing. \u00a0If they are not hurting anyone or doing something illegal, who cares. \u00a0Smile.<\/p>\n

So today we had lunch while I waited for Scott to bring my forgotten wallet down to us in Issaquah. \u00a0Yes, he did, amazing huh? \u00a0I did reward him with a to go order. \u00a0While we ate, my friend and I discussed how the holidays were kicking my ass. \u00a0I was dreading trying to be normal. \u00a0She came up with a brilliant solution to the Christmas tree dilemma. \u00a0I was not looking forward to trimming the tree with all of our sentimental ornaments. \u00a0Each one told a story of a trip or a memorable occasion. \u00a0One from all the zoo trips on Christmas Eve. \u00a0A Mickey Mouse from her first trip at 4. \u00a0A Sand dollar from Scott and I’s first trip as a couple, it says 1990 on it. \u00a0The one that says “we are pregnant 8\/31\/1997” \u00a0My lunch date also pointed out the damage a 3 month old puppy could do to my precious ornaments. \u00a0Those ornaments are my most valuable possessions. \u00a0I love every one of my decorations. \u00a0They all tell a story and they all involve Hayley. \u00a0My friend’s brilliant idea. \u00a0Don’t even open the box. \u00a0Pick a theme, buy new ornaments, and have a new tree! \u00a0One that can be moved to another room next year when we are strong enough to bring back traditions and open that box of precious memories.\u00a0 It felt extravagant to do something like trim an entire tree.<\/p>\n

We went to Target,\u00a0 it seemed like this was the last weekend before Christmas. \u00a0People were going nuts and so cranky. \u00a0We chose blue and silver. \u00a0Navy blue to match her cause bracelets and WWU colors. \u00a0We planned to make some ornaments that look like the Hayley glassy baby. \u00a0As we were leaving I ran into someone special. \u00a0Scott’s manager and someone I have worked with before. \u00a0I have known him nearly 15 years. \u00a0I had great hugs and mocked his WSU Cougar gear. \u00a0We talked about Scott’s first month back and then headed for the candles. \u00a0I was able to catch his wife, hug her and thank her for some really nice and generous care she gave me. \u00a0She warned us about the candle sale.<\/p>\n

I actually parked my cart in the store and went at it. \u00a0Scott loves their three wick candles. \u00a0He likes to have one lit most of the time. \u00a0With four dogs it is a very good idea. \u00a0I love buying them and he loves using them. \u00a0Win\/Win. \u00a0It was a mad house. \u00a0I tried to make people smile. \u00a0I call it flirting, not like with a man, but just comments to other women, engaging them in a conversation or helping them find the candle they wanted.\u00a0 For a short time I felt like me again. I convinced one lady to smell the most nasty one ever, Summer Boardwalk. \u00a0I double dog dare you to go in and take a big whiff of that one.<\/p>\n

This is my happy place. \u00a0I could spend hours in that store. \u00a0I love lotion and shower gel. \u00a0Even Henry is hooked on his Black Chamomile and Lavendar body wash. \u00a0Everyone in the house loves it. \u00a0It comes and go like an elusive rare bird so when they have it I stock up!\u00a0 I love that my family likes candles and smelly soaps. \u00a0I was in the long line and when I got up there my 10 candles were behind the counter. \u00a0I felt that I had been in a frenzy and needed to re-smell them all just to make sure I was satisfied with my purchases. \u00a0\"\"Honestly the poor checker was so slow and obviously flustered by the insanity. \u00a0Candles were even sold out online. \u00a0I think some of those bitches would have cut someone for the Balsam Candle. \u00a0At this time my friend saunters up and says straight faced “excuse me ma’am but you are holding up the line” \u00a0I responded loudly “you know what, go fuck yourself”. \u00a0I had no filter. \u00a0I usually have a pretty flimsy one to start with, but the filter was non existent this night. \u00a0The poor cashier was like ‘blink, blink’ with no smile at all. \u00a0I explained that was my friend. \u00a0Still no smile. \u00a0Really? \u00a0That was funny shit. \u00a0I did monopolize the cashier for a long time so I headed towards my friend three back in the line. \u00a0Again she says something like “You took long enough, did you have to smell them all geez”. \u00a0I responded with “kiss my ass” loudly to the dismay of the mother and her 7 year old right behind us. \u00a0Crap! \u00a0I apologized profusely, the woman gave me nothing, no response, no words, no smile. \u00a0She put one hand over her daughter’s right ear. \u00a0WTF, can she not hear me curse out of the left ear. \u00a0The 7 year old actually cracked a smile and I saw in her eyes that her mom clearly has used the word ‘Ass’ in front of her before. \u00a0\u00a0\"\"<\/p>\n

I went and borrowed a little stool and sat next to my cart to wait. \u00a0I looked like a homeless person trying to stay warm and smell good. \u00a0My friend unbeknownst to me took a photo. \u00a0Not only is my weight gain horribly noticeable but I had not showered, I was sweating profusely and exhausted from trying to get some fucking smiles. \u00a0Seriously we were hilarious but only the two of us thought so. \u00a0Whatever.<\/p>\n

We moved on to Homegoods which also was a Cluster. \u00a0It was so much fun to pick new ornaments and decorations for my beach theme tree. \u00a0The tree skirt is stunning. \u00a0Hayley and I loved the ocean, the beach, the bay, any kind of water. \u00a0Some of our best memories were on the two major sailing trips with my parents on the east coast. \u00a0We didn’t need to be on the water but near it is absolutely required for us. \u00a0I need it like I need air. \u00a0Hayley felt the same way. \u00a0Our first tattoo in August was going to be a minimalist wave on our ankles.<\/p>\n

Speaking of ankles I came home exhausted, drained, salty, sweaty and my bad ankle looked like an elephant foot.\u00a0 I lost it on Henry and had to apologize later and ask if he knew what PMS meant.\u00a0 So the moral of the story. \u00a0If you see someone having fun even if it involves swearing, number one it is probably me and number two, smile. \u00a0It will make you feel better. \u00a0It is science. \u00a0Stop judging. Guess what the gender was of everyone I saw judging our shenanigans? \u00a0Yep Female! \u00a0Women are assholes to other women. \u00a0I am so over it and willing to be vocal about it.\u00a0 It was Women that caused me to lose my job.\u00a0 I may need bail money eventually!<\/p>\n

It is time for women to stop the judging. \u00a0Be Fun. \u00a0Be Free. \u00a0Be Fucking awesome. \u00a0We pushed babies out of our bodies after growing them inside of us for 40 weeks. \u00a0We survive raising them. \u00a0In my case we watch in horror as they leave us. \u00a0We are fucking bad ass. \u00a0I have been so blessed with women reaching out with messages of support, cards, food, treats, calls, offers to clean my house, or anything I need. \u00a0It has been so humbling, almost embarrassing. \u00a0But I am getting better at accepting this support without criticizing myself. \u00a0Remember Women judging Women also implies to negative self talk for us.<\/p>\n

So next time you are in line for candles. \u00a0Lighten UP! \u00a0Cause YOU ARE STANDING IN LINE TO BUY WONDERFUL SMELLING CANDLES! \u00a0I hate to play the Hayley card but guess what, my daughter is dead. \u00a0What do you have to frown about. \u00a0What are you teaching your kids.\u00a0 If I can have fun in a madhouse candle sale, so can you. \u00a0I challenge you to smile at strangers and strike up one conversation with a stranger in the next week. \u00a0Tell me about it in the comments section. \u00a0It can be as simple as helping them find the right scent at a candle sale.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The three F’s, Fun, Free, & Fucking awesome. \u00a0This is going to be my motto this week. \u00a0A friend and lived the motto well Saturday. \u00a0We wanted to go to the big Bath and Body Candle sale. \u00a0It was a rough week. \u00a0My stomach was not my friend the last few days. \u00a0I finally felt … <\/p>\n

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