{"id":258,"date":"2017-12-27T07:41:18","date_gmt":"2017-12-27T07:41:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/?p=258"},"modified":"2017-12-27T07:58:38","modified_gmt":"2017-12-27T07:58:38","slug":"you-suck-santa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/27\/you-suck-santa\/","title":{"rendered":"You Suck Santa"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>All I wanted for Christmas was to wake up from this nightmare. \u00a0Santa did not make that happen. \u00a0Santa, you suck. \u00a0I have been hearing for a while from different people that have experience with grief that the Holidays are the toughest. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t believe them. \u00a0How could one day or a week be any worse than the previous one. \u00a0They are all painful. \u00a0These advice givers were 100% right, it can get worse and yes the Holiday was incredibly painful.<\/p>\n<p>If I had my way we would have planned our Arizona trip to include Christmas. \u00a0Our friends that lost Ben, they are in Costa Rica and are skipping Christmas. \u00a0They are brilliant. \u00a0But for me it was about my boys. \u00a0I can say my boys now. \u00a0There are no girls being left out in that phrase. \u00a0They insisted that being home on Christmas was really important to them. \u00a0I get it. \u00a0They are homebodies and maybe home gives them comfort for those days. \u00a0But guess who does the planning and the organizing for all of the holiday? \u00a0Yep that would be me. \u00a0It used to be Hayley and me and it was joyful. \u00a0Christmas was my favorite. \u00a0There is nothing that I like better than the hunt for the perfect gift. \u00a0The one they didn&#8217;t put on their list. \u00a0The gift that shows them I pay attention and remember everything. \u00a0Some of Scott&#8217;s favorite gifts of all time he says he didn&#8217;t even know he needed.<\/p>\n<p>We had well established traditions. \u00a0Hayley had become the driver of that bus in the last 6 years. \u00a0When Scott and I were officially separated and moving toward divorce I believe she thought if we kept our traditions alive nothing would change. \u00a0For me it goes back to my own childhood. \u00a0I had very young parents. \u00a0I went to a different school every year until High School. \u00a0I went to 6 elementary schools, 2 years at a Junior High and 4 years at the same High School. \u00a0That is 8 schools in 13 years. \u00a0Add June Bug Pre-School and you have 9. \u00a0My parents divorce from hell began in the 4th grade and honestly didn&#8217;t end until he died at age 52 despite both being married to other people. \u00a0 \u00a0The upheaval of that event and a change of living situations in High School has always driven my parenting behavior. \u00a0It was super important to me that my kids stay in the same schools. \u00a0To attend with the same friends from Kindergarten to Graduation. \u00a0I envied those people. \u00a0The irony is that it was those experiences that gave me some pretty serious coping skills. \u00a0I always made friends quickly. \u00a0I collected one special friend from each stage and have kept them with me in some way my entire life. \u00a0Sheila from Kindergarten, David from Junior High, Sara and so many from High School that have supported me this past few months. \u00a0I chose Scott when I was 19 and he offered me a steady and stable personality. \u00a0Although after 27 years together I know that calm waters run deep. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember any specific traditions from my childhood Christmases. \u00a0My Dad put coconuts under our tree for my brother and I on some years. \u00a0I still am not clear on that story. \u00a0He did always have a card for us in the tree. \u00a0A Hallmark card telling me he loved me. \u00a0I always felt it should have said &#8220;I love you and I hope you love me, despite my crazy behavior&#8221;. \u00a0Scott&#8217;s family was not much different. \u00a0He had no memorable traditions either. \u00a0His mom did decorate a beautiful tree with only clear glass ornaments. \u00a0The only other significant thing he could count on, was lots of drinking on their part.<\/p>\n<p>Because of this I was religious about our traditions over the years and Hayley really loved and cherished all of it. \u00a0Here are some of our traditions and what I was able to muster for this year:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I always do the shopping for gifts, decorations, food. \u00a0For many years I bought my own gifts that Scott would then take and tell the kids he bought them and have them help with the wrapping. \u00a0Around Junior High, Hayley caught on and he was in deep shit! \u00a0It makes me smile to think of her chewing him out. \u00a0I had to explain I was just as guilty because I enabled him. \u00a0It is a strong personality trait of mine to want to make everything easier for others. \u00a0From then on, she and Scott did my shopping with a brief grunt of approval from Henry.<\/li>\n<li>We cut a fresh Christmas tree from one of the same two places. \u00a0When the kids cared about sitting on Santa&#8217;s lap it was Candy Cane Lane past North Bend where they could tell the real Santa what they wanted and ride on a trailer pulled by a tractor. \u00a0Hayley and Scott Always carried the tree. \u00a0I can picture her 8 year old self trying her best to not drag her end.<\/li>\n<li>Every year we get a new ornament. \u00a0We also purchase ornaments on most vacations or special occasions when they are available. \u00a0Each ornament in my valuable collection tells a story. \u00a0Hayley knew each and every one of those stories.<\/li>\n<li>Each year for 15 years I purchase a Costco wreath and it goes on the same nail above the garage.<\/li>\n<li>Every year I hide presents so well and start my shopping so early that there is always a present forgotten. \u00a0It usually turns up in person or in my memory within a month. \u00a0Henry still brings up the year he said in the backseat many days into the New Year. \u00a0<em>I got everything I wanted but I wish I had gotten a gaming chair.<\/em> \u00a0Shit. \u00a0Um, Henry, guess what, there is one in the garage for you covered with a blanket. \u00a0Uh, Merry Christmas?<\/li>\n<li>On the day of Christmas Eve we bundle up and go to Woodland Park Zoo. \u00a0It started when Hayley was a toddler. \u00a0There is usually only a handful of other people. \u00a0Keepers are happy to see you and will answer all your questions. \u00a0One year Henry fed the penguins. \u00a0Hayley was obsessed with orangutangs. \u00a0She would be able to sit as long as we could stand to wait for her and interact with her favorite female. \u00a0I wonder if she was looking for Hayley this year. \u00a0Only one year did it rain, one year it snowed.<\/li>\n<li>After the zoo, we would change the kids in the back of the mini van into their matching Christmas PJs. \u00a0Eventually they could do this themselves. \u00a0I am not sure what year it happened, but I was so tired of cooking a traditional meal for just four of us. \u00a0We started going to Burgermaster! \u00a0It could not be more festive. \u00a0Eat in the car, watching white Christmas on the Van&#8217;s DVD player. \u00a0The windows of the eatery were hand painted with different themes, I always loved the Peanuts the best. \u00a0We had the same waitress, she has worked their 20 years. \u00a0Last year Hayley insisted on purchasing a Seahawks hat for her. \u00a0If she noticed our absence from her section, she would know why this year.<\/li>\n<li>After a great meal we would drive around and see lights. \u00a0Go home and make peanut butter cookies with the Kisses in the middle. \u00a0I would make the breakfast casserole recipe I had gotten years ago from the back of an evaporated milk label that is still in the recipe box. \u00a0Cover it and put it in the fridge. \u00a0I usually only had stocking stuffers to wrap because I always wrapped presents as I purchased them. \u00a0I got smart after several all nighters that had me hating wrapping when I actually enjoy it. \u00a0Set out the cookies for &#8220;Santa&#8221; and go to bed.<\/li>\n<li>Scott and I would threaten the kids to stay in their rooms. \u00a0Santa will drop gifts off the sleigh if I see you peeking, this is still my threat. \u00a0We set up large gifts. \u00a0We have these wonderful Red Santa Sacks. \u00a0Each has our names embroidered on the front. \u00a0&#8220;for Hayley&#8221; &#8220;for Henry&#8221;, Scott and I shared the &#8220;McCutcheon&#8221;. \u00a0All the gifts went in the bags. \u00a0Christmas morning they grabbed their bag and carried or dragged it into the family room. \u00a0Henry in the corner chair, \u00a0Hayley on the couch.<\/li>\n<li>Scott always bit a cookie and tossed the milk down the drain. \u00a0He doesn&#8217;t know that the years we were heading to divorce I always licked the cookies quite thoroughly before putting the plate out. \u00a0This may have been the same years I also let Dudley the Dog lick his toothbrush often.<\/li>\n<li>In the morning the kids would always be ready before me. \u00a0One year someone gave us a glass pickle and I learned that you hide the pickle when the kids go to bed. Whomever finds it in the morning gets to open the first presents. \u00a0Of course being McCutcheons we broke the pickle the first year. \u00a0The following year at the zoo we chose our annual ornament, a green frog, this became the new pickle.<\/li>\n<li>Hayley was a gift hoarder and a gift counter. \u00a0Not sure if it is the oldest child thing or a girl thing because both myself and my cousin were saying today we did the same thing as kids. \u00a0You count your brother&#8217;s gifts and make sure he didn&#8217;t get more than you. \u00a0Now more often than not, Hayley&#8217;s gifts were way more expensive than Henry&#8217;s. \u00a0This concept never quite sank in, not even at 18. \u00a0So I had to count them. \u00a0I would wrap all of Henry&#8217;s gifts and then place like items in a larger box and wrap that to lower his perceived gift count. \u00a0Hayley also always wanted to open the last gifts. \u00a0I would watch her quietly skip her turn so she ended up with a few left when everyone else was done. \u00a0I like to think it was because, like me, she got more enjoyment watching others open their gifts.<\/li>\n<li>We would then end up eating breakfast casserole, play with gifts and take naps. \u00a0Except for that one year I got the norovirus and destroyed our bathroom, spent the day in the ER, while Scott cleaned up and fed the kids Chinese food. \u00a0On a non puking year we usually just heat up a honey baked ham and graze all day on snacks.<\/li>\n<li>Each of the kids would have a box or basket with their loot and take it to their respective rooms. \u00a0Sometimes we would drive around and look at more lights.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>That is a McCutcheon Family Christmas. \u00a0My brother and his family go out of the country each year with my sister in law&#8217;s family. \u00a0My mom lives in Florida. \u00a0Honestly those are the only blood relatives we would care to include. \u00a0Having a foursome Christmas with these traditions has been one of the joys of my life for the last 19 years. \u00a0It feels good to document them, write them down to remind myself in the future where I want to get back to. \u00a0Maybe not the zoo, but something special for the three of us.<\/p>\n<p>We skipped the Zoo, we skipped the lights, we skipped our regular tree, and I had very little shopping to do. \u00a0Henry always provides a list along with links. \u00a0I enjoyed going to the Verizon Store, the Golf Store and Mox Gaming to surprise him with some items that were not on his list. \u00a0I planted the seed of &#8220;Hey Henry you always have gotten Hayley&#8217;s or one of our hand me down phones right?&#8221; \u00a0&#8220;Yes, mom, my phone is rose gold&#8221; \u00a0&#8220;Really? Have you ever had a new phone? huh, that sucks for you, but Dad&#8217;s 6 Plus is super nice and not rose gold so that will be cool when his contract is up in May&#8221; \u00a0 Of course his new 8 Plus was under the tree.<\/p>\n<p>I am proud of us for going to Burgermaster. \u00a0I am proud that without missing a beat Scott and Henry looked for the &#8220;octopus&#8221; on the coastal themed tree. \u00a0Henry found it, so he opened the first present from his bag. \u00a0His stocking was full. \u00a0Hers was empty. \u00a0We ate the breakfast casserole and ham. \u00a0No PB cookies but no puking either. \u00a0I slept a lot that day, it was so long, I thought it would never end. \u00a0But it did. \u00a0Christmas #1 done. \u00a0We have all agreed that we will go on vacation next year. \u00a0Santa take a year off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>All I wanted for Christmas was to wake up from this nightmare. \u00a0Santa did not make that happen. \u00a0Santa, you suck. \u00a0I have been hearing for a while from different people that have experience with grief that the Holidays are the toughest. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t believe them. \u00a0How could one day or a week be any &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/27\/you-suck-santa\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;You Suck Santa&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=258"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":261,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions\/261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}