{"id":291,"date":"2018-01-13T09:40:28","date_gmt":"2018-01-13T09:40:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/?p=291"},"modified":"2018-01-13T14:35:26","modified_gmt":"2018-01-13T14:35:26","slug":"grief-appropriate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/13\/grief-appropriate\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief Appropriate?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This one is dedicated to my “new” friend, Shay. \u00a0We have literally been in the same rooms together over the years as school volunteers and Moms. \u00a0But we didn’t talk or become friends until Hayley’s death when she kept making me Chicken Pot Pies, which I did not share with Scott and Henry. \u00a0They didn’t appreciate them the way I did. \u00a0What is sad is that she is moving back to her homeland on the “other side”. \u00a0The East Coast. \u00a0We recently had breakfast together for the first time and it was fun. \u00a0Fun, a word I don’t use often. \u00a0I told her this story and she insisted I should share it with the masses. \u00a0So I will, but first the moral of the Shay\/Dawn friendship. \u00a0Don’t forget to look up. \u00a0Look up from your phone. \u00a0Look around beyond your little group of friends. \u00a0Make a point to make one new friend at every school event, PTA meeting, etc. \u00a0Heck I have two friends probably reading this that I met on planes. \u00a0Social meeting sucks our time but it also allows us to collect people along the way in life. \u00a0I will forever be grateful to my Facebook network that has kept me going with everything from kind words to chicken pot pies on the porch. \u00a0I will miss Shay when she leaves, we seem like two peas in a pod. \u00a0So I plan to just steal all of her friends!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you recall while in Arizona I became obsessed with the hotel bar and their amazing chili. \u00a0This was the best chili I have ever tasted. \u00a0It came in a pretty good size cast iron crock. \u00a0Like they hang over the fire on trail rides, not that I have been on a trail ride or do I plan to. \u00a0This magical chili came with homemade crackers. \u00a0It was meant to be shared. \u00a0The first night I may have let Scott have a few bites for show. \u00a0The second night I didn’t even try to hide the fact that not only was I going to eat the entire thing myself, I was still going to have the banana bread pudding in the mason jar. \u00a0So my nightly meal became chili in a crock and dessert in a mason jar. \u00a0It was truly Pinterest worthy. \u00a0But here is the problem. \u00a0Prior to our trip, my doctor added the medication Ambilify to my line up. \u00a0The hope was it would give me more energy and help the other medications work better. \u00a0I started off with a half and after two weeks worked my way up to a whole. \u00a0Right before the trip I noticed, how should I put this, I seem to be very noisy in the rump part of my body. \u00a0So I went to my goto WebMD specialist, my cousin, she did find in my list of meds that the Ambilify might have some gastrointestinal side effects. \u00a0Um, this was way more than “some”. \u00a0So during the trip I had gone back down to a half of a dose. \u00a0Unfortunately not prior to the chili love. \u00a0I truly felt like I was in one of those drug commercials. \u00a0You might be able to get out of bed but some patients might experience the following side effects: \u00a0“fecal incontinence, gas, heartburn, headaches, frequent urination, etc”. \u00a0Yes on the first one, but that is another story.<\/p>\n

So here I am in Sedona having my own Chili eating contest. \u00a0Do you remember when you were dating your significant other? \u00a0How many dates or how many sleep overs before you tooted, poofed, passed gas, farted or whatever you want to call it, in front of your new love. \u00a0Here is the thing. \u00a0Scott and I have been married 22 years and together 27, most of those years we have slept in the same room. \u00a0During all of those years I have done everything possible not to fart in front of him. \u00a0No joke. \u00a0He is highly offended by it. \u00a0The few times it has slipped he has had what can only be described as a disgusted hissy fit. \u00a0Same with belching. \u00a0I know. \u00a0It IS ridiculous. \u00a0But I try to respect his pet peeves as they are not very many. \u00a0Now the kids, we let them rip in front of each other all the time. \u00a0Never with Scott around. \u00a0But our own private contests. \u00a0Hayley was known to do it quietly and lock the car windows if she was driving. \u00a0Henry when very little would toot and run around saying “do you smell it do you smell it, do you?”. \u00a0I would say to him “toot toot went the Henry train”. \u00a0So I can see how I may have encouraged their behavior. \u00a0I am pretty sure that I occasionally still use that phrase with him. \u00a0Kind of like a childhood nickname. \u00a0I can see him when he is 32 visiting us and feeling comfortable enough around HIS wife to let it go and I will exclaim “toot toot went the Henry train”. \u00a0Let’s just say Scott did not appreciate our “contests”. \u00a0He would come home from work, inhale and say “what has been going on here?”. \u00a0Without hesitation one of us would say the dog had gas. \u00a0We are a classy family that way. \u00a0But back to Sedona, It was so complicated to try to figure out how to let what needed to happen without offending Scott. \u00a0The bathroom was literally right next to the wall where Scott’s bed was. \u00a0If I went out into the living room, Henry from the sofa bed would rat me out. \u00a0Scott says that I truly believe that mine don’t smell, but these didn’t, \u00a0I swear! \u00a0They were just so super loud. \u00a0I finally let go and as they say let it rip during the night. \u00a0I found myself on outings speed walking through the lobby with my ass cheeks clenched until I could safely get away from other humans. \u00a0I don’t even want to think about what it would have sounded like in that quiet marble covered lobby. \u00a0So I survived the trip without Scott threatening divorce and we were at the airport at 5:30 am hoping to be on the first flight as we were going standby. \u00a0We sat away from the crowd. \u00a0The boys were in seats and I sat down on the floor to try to rearrange my luggage and bags to look like one carry on and one personal item. \u00a0About 5 feet behind me was a younger couple sitting on the floor with their backs against a wall talking. \u00a0I was on my rump, sitting criss cross applesauce when it happened. \u00a0Yes, yes it did. \u00a0It sounded like a gun shot. \u00a0I am still shocked no one hit the ground. \u00a0The couple behind me became silent. \u00a0I didn’t look up. \u00a0I was so mortified I felt light headed. \u00a0It was either from the embarrassment or the fact that the fart had been so powerful it knocked the breath out of me. \u00a0I could not look at Scott and Henry at all. \u00a0I knew if I did and they looked either horrified or were laughing or both, I would not be able to control the tears. \u00a0Now the way things were going and from experience that week, I knew that getting up off the ground would be a dangerous time period, kind of like landing and taking off for a plane. \u00a0I could not stand up. \u00a0I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I stood up I would fart again or worse rapid fire. \u00a0I was still waiting for TSA agents to round the corner to find out who had the gun from 60 seconds ago. \u00a0Please leave I thought towards that couple. \u00a0My cheeks were burning and I felt a hot flash coming on from the embarrassment. \u00a0I still had not looked at Scott and Henry. \u00a0It is at this moment our names were called for stand by. \u00a0I didn’t move. \u00a0Scott finally got up and headed to the counter, perplexed I was not handling the details like normal. \u00a0He waved me over as they needed my identification. \u00a0I asked Henry to come give me a hand up. \u00a0I figured if I was going down in the mortification hall of fame, so was he. \u00a0My plan was to chastise him. \u00a0Pass the farting blame. \u00a0Maybe then the couple by some miracle would think that it was not me. \u00a0I spent the next 3 hours in a middle seat with my butt cheeks clenched and thankful both my seat mates had ear buds on.\"\"<\/p>\n

The point of sharing my embarrassment was to make you giggle, make Shay happy and to introduce the topic of “Grief Appropriate”. \u00a0In 11 days I will be 47. \u00a0One thing that I have noticed at doctor’s appointments is they are starting to use the term “age appropriate”. \u00a0I want to throw something when I hear it. \u00a0 “Oh, you can’t regulate your body temperature? \u00a0That sounds age appropriate” \u00a0“You are getting hair in places you never had it before. \u00a0That is age appropriate” \u00a0“you pee a little when you cough? \u00a0That is age appropriate.” \u00a0“Trouble sleeping?” \u00a0Yes, you know, age appropriate. \u00a0But what I have learned in the last 6 months is that there is something I am calling “Grief Appropriate”. Grief is so physical. \u00a0Honestly some days it is more physical than emotional. \u00a0It is not uncommon for me to have one of these symptoms or all of them on any given day.<\/p>\n