Dear Pre-July 2017 Dawn,<\/p>\n
This is the new you. \u00a0Don’t get excited it is not a new you, like you lost that 50 pounds and you get a makeover on the Today show. \u00a0In fact you have gained another 35, way to be an overachiever! \u00a0In the next summer your life will change forever. \u00a0Remember those nightmares you have regularly about something happening to Hayley or Henry? \u00a0I am sorry, one comes true. \u00a0You are going to lose her. \u00a0You are going to make decisions that will haunt you. \u00a0If you can talk her out of the breast reduction please do. \u00a0But if not, this is what I want you to know and what I want you to do.<\/p>\n
Advice #1: \u00a0When one of the kids asked you to do something, do it. \u00a0Don’t care about work deadlines, trust me after April 2017 it won’t matter and man you are going to be pissed, let’s keep that a surprise. \u00a0But bottom line the 60 plus hour work weeks will end up not mattering anymore. \u00a0Yes, you raised millions for heart research and taught hundreds of kids CPR, but none of that will matter at all. \u00a0So when Hayley asks you to go to dinner, go to the store, anything, stop what you are doing and go. \u00a0You are one lucky bitch. \u00a0You have a teenager that would actually choose to spend time with you. \u00a0I know you say yes a lot but it is time to say yes every single time. \u00a0All that matters is that very day. \u00a0BE present. \u00a0You are always in a million places being pulled in so many directions. \u00a0Focus on the kids. \u00a0Focus on Hayley. \u00a0I know you think she is your best friend, but you will soon find out that she was so much more to you and to a lot of other people. \u00a0You will miss her as your best friend, but you will miss her more because when she is gone, the you that you know now will also be gone. \u00a0You were feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest. \u00a0You will still do what you can to fake it for Henry, but you won’t really be present. \u00a0So Be Present while you can. \u00a0Trips to the store create memories for your kids. \u00a0I know you can make anything fun. \u00a0I miss that about the old me. \u00a0Remember the time you hid condoms in Hayley’s basket and asked her to check out so you could run to Bartells to get a prescription.<\/p>\n
Advice #2 – Laugh more. \u00a0Hayley is one funny bitch! \u00a0Laugh at her and with her. \u00a0She has the most wonderful sense of humor, you have taught her well. \u00a0Stop and Listen. \u00a0Enjoy the sound of her voice and the sound of her laugh. \u00a0It will become hard to remember it. \u00a0You will call her voicemail to be reminded. \u00a0This brings me to a very important change!<\/p>\n
Advice #3 – \u00a0Keep taking all of your photos, but start recording video. \u00a0You have so many tapes from ages 0 to maybe 7 but then it slows down. \u00a0There are virtually none I can find of her as a teenager. \u00a0The ones you do have are only 10 seconds long. \u00a0You found them on her phone or from friends. \u00a0Why 10 seconds? \u00a0Fucking Snapchat! \u00a0That is the maximum length that you can send to a friend. \u00a0Their attention spans are short enough; thanks Snapchat for making them shorter. \u00a0Take videos every week, set an alarm to remember. \u00a0Just ask her how her day was and see where it goes. \u00a0Pay her to do it if you have too. \u00a0Then back your phone up and back that up to an external drive.<\/p>\n
Advice #4 – Encourage Scott to talk to her during the day. \u00a0A 4 minute phone call at work won’t slow you down. \u00a0Je will be glad you helped him have all those little connections.<\/p>\n
Advice #5 – Always answer when she calls. \u00a0If you are with someone just say I am sorry I need to answer this because it is a VIP, my daughter.<\/p>\n
Advice #6 – \u00a0You know those dance parties you two spontaneously have in the living room. \u00a0Do that more often. \u00a0She doesn’t care how bad you dance.<\/p>\n
Advice #7 – \u00a0The singing in the car. \u00a0Keep doing that. \u00a0Sing together, annoy Henry, make him join in. \u00a0None of you can sing so do it more. \u00a0Those songs will be very meaningful.<\/p>\n
Advice #8 – Invade her room! \u00a0When she is having her alone time, interrupt for a hug and to ask what she is watching. \u00a0Then leave quickly before she loses it.<\/p>\n
Advice #9 – Be patient. \u00a0I know you are tired, I know your health issues cause you pain, but you are running out of time. Be patient when she needs you or just wants to chat. \u00a0Make her feel she is the most important person in the world.<\/p>\n
Advice #10 – Cuddle more. \u00a0I know she has Scott’s genes and is not the most cuddling kid. \u00a0Force it. \u00a0Sit on her until she gives you a hug, she will appreciate it eventually. \u00a0Take naps together. \u00a0Hug both kids as often as they will let you.<\/p>\n
Advice #11 – Never miss a night of your goodnight ritual. \u00a0It is so rare and special that your 19 year old never misses it.<\/p>\n
Advice #12 – Be a good listener. \u00a0Do less coaching and more listening. \u00a0But remember that you are her coach. \u00a0Your job is to coach her through life but not actually swing the bat for her.<\/p>\n
Advice #13 – All the vacations you and the kids take on your own, don’t ever feel guilty and instead convince Scott to join you, make him go, find a good dog sitter.<\/p>\n
Advice #14 – When she asks to go to Cannon Beach, go. \u00a0You never missed a year from birth to 17, why the last two? \u00a0It is her special place, go, find the money, make it happen.<\/p>\n
Advice #15 – When you are at Disneyland on her Graduation trip buy her the Minnie Mouse backpack she has admired on more than one trip. \u00a0How many kids want their grad trip to be to Disneyland with her parents? \u00a0You are the winner!<\/p>\n
Advice #16 – Don’t ever doubt her love for you. \u00a0You always focus on the times you think you were not the perfect mother. \u00a0Fuck perfect. \u00a0Perfect is boring. \u00a0You are doing your best and she adores you as much as you adore her. \u00a0Tell her every chance you get. \u00a0How many college kids drive halfway home to meet you for dinner on your birthday and give you more than a dozen cards to “open when” you need to.<\/p>\n
Advice #17 – When she wants a golden retriever or a frenchie, get the dog. \u00a0Although I recommend the Golden. \u00a0In fact, when you visit her in college bring Zoey too.<\/p>\n
Advice #18 – Tell her every day how beautiful she is. \u00a0Tell her how proud you are. \u00a0It doesn’t have to be a Hallmark Greeting but get creative. \u00a0It doesn’t have to be a big production. \u00a0Just make sure she knows. \u00a0She blossomed in college, you did well.<\/p>\n
I could continue but I doubt you read past “you are going to lose her”. \u00a0You lose yourself too. \u00a0You will be a shell. \u00a0People will tell you how strong you are, but they don’t know that most of your day is spent curled in a ball trying to rock the pain away. \u00a0Everything will remind you of your loss. \u00a0You will become the greatest actor ever. \u00a0People will think you are still funny when actually you are not trying to be. \u00a0Well, that in itself is a little funny. \u00a0You will run out of ways to say thank you to literally hundreds of people. \u00a0You thought you had a small circle of people you could count on in life, man you will be so very wrong. \u00a0I mean hundreds will take the time to send you messages, make you food, leave you treats, spend time with you, offer to do anything they can to lighten your burden. \u00a0You will see her sitting next to you in the car and you will remember reaching over to pet her hair. \u00a0You will remember how it smelled. \u00a0You will be sad, broken and pissed off all at the same time. \u00a0You will wish you were dead. \u00a0But you will keep breathing for Henry and for Scott. \u00a0(and your 4 dogs, yes a 4th) \u00a0I know it will seem impossible but try to breathe for yourself too.<\/p>\n
Love to You,<\/p>\n
March 2018 Dawn<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Pre-July 2017 Dawn, This is the new you. \u00a0Don’t get excited it is not a new you, like you lost that 50 pounds and you get a makeover on the Today show. \u00a0In fact you have gained another 35, way to be an overachiever! \u00a0In the next summer your life will change forever. \u00a0Remember … <\/p>\n