{"id":434,"date":"2018-07-11T15:45:33","date_gmt":"2018-07-11T15:45:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/?p=434"},"modified":"2018-07-11T15:45:33","modified_gmt":"2018-07-11T15:45:33","slug":"hell-weeks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2018\/07\/11\/hell-weeks\/","title":{"rendered":"Hell weeks"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Well it is finally here. \u00a0The kick off day to the worst dates of my life. \u00a0July 11th. \u00a0I fucking hate this date. \u00a0I know it is just a date. \u00a0I know that it is a different day. \u00a0But that date was so exciting last year. \u00a0Hayley was so happy about that date, the surgery date. \u00a0One year ago this morning was the last time she smiled. \u00a0It was the last time she was whole. \u00a0When she woke from surgery the hell began. \u00a0We entered that doctor&#8217;s office with a child that was excited about her future and we left with a child in pain and ill. \u00a0By the end of that day she was in the hospital. \u00a0The hospital of incompetence. \u00a0I am so pissed about July 11th. \u00a0Why did I let her do the surgery? \u00a0I want a do over. \u00a0I want my old life back. \u00a0I can&#8217;t handle this new one.<\/p>\n<p>I feel angry but only in my head, the rest of my body feels numb. \u00a0I feel like if I don&#8217;t move today I won&#8217;t rattle the awful feelings this date dredges up. \u00a0I wonder if her surgeon and the anesthesiologist \u00a0remember today. \u00a0Have they moved on, hundreds of other patients. \u00a0Do they know today is the day? \u00a0The day that started our 12 days of hell, regret, pain, and helplessness.<\/p>\n<p>I hope I can feel numb all day today. \u00a0I know the worst is coming. \u00a0The day I watched her die (18th), the date hope was gone and the date on her death certificate (20th) and the date that she left us to save others (23rd). \u00a0I hope that on the 24th I can celebrate the lives she saved that day without anger and regret.<\/p>\n<p>I am lucky to be going to our friend&#8217;s house in Hood Canal on Saturday for the week. \u00a0I hope that I can find peace and relaxation there. \u00a0At a minimum I will have different scenery and maybe that will be enough.<\/p>\n<p>Fucking July 11th.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Well it is finally here. \u00a0The kick off day to the worst dates of my life. \u00a0July 11th. \u00a0I fucking hate this date. \u00a0I know it is just a date. \u00a0I know that it is a different day. \u00a0But that date was so exciting last year. \u00a0Hayley was so happy about that date, the surgery &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/2018\/07\/11\/hell-weeks\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Hell weeks&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=434"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":435,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434\/revisions\/435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hayleysmom.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}