Her Name in Lights

I have some catching up to do.  We shall see if we get one long post or multiple ones.  Back in the fall I met with a local tv anchor.  She and I have been friends since her days on the AHA board.  I have done Go Red for Women stories with her.  One year I even let her film me in a Gym.  That was when I was weighed on tv and the story’s angle was a women recovering from a heart event and getting in shape.  The only problem was that my story was followed by one about a contest to guess the weight of the hippo at the Woodland Park Zoo which both kids thought was hysterical.  Despite the hippo story this woman is the only one I would trust with Hayley’s story.  We met and I told her what had happened and all of the positive events that happened since my loss.  I explained what I wanted to accomplish with the #belikehayley movement.  First I want people particularly teenagers to understand what the “be” meant to her and I.  Make a decision to “Be” something each day, week, month or year.  When we ask our children what they want to be when they grow up it is assumed that they will tell us what career they will have.  Hayley wanted to be an FBI agent or a Police Officer.  This was her answer since around 6th grade.  Prior to that it was a pilot, but the she realized math was not for her.  But as she entered high school and again in college we talked about the “be” all the time.  I want the first thing my kids to think of when I ask them what do you want to be when you grow up, NOT to be a career.  I want them to say things like “be happy; be loved; be kind; be outgoing; be brave”.  Pick a career that makes you happy, kind and brave.  You will have made the right choice.

The second goal of the campaign is to promote organ donor awareness.  We are one of the top states with an 80% yes rate with the dmv.  I recently did some training with our state organization.  I expressed my desire to encourage people to say yes to organ donation.  Her reaction was “we are already the best in the nation at that”.  My reaction, but we are not 100% so why stop trying.  Hayley’s organ donations, the lives she saved and the families that did not have to go through what we did, that is what has kept me standing.

My friend and her kind cameraman stayed for 4 and a half hours filming.  We filmed at my house, we walked at Beaver Lake and hid some painted rocks.  I don’t know what will make the final cut or how long the piece will be.  But that day I honored my daughter.  I had the best listener, a woman that both Hayley and I respected.  Hayley thought she was always the prettiest and smartest person in the room.  She would be thrilled that her story was being told by Marni.

I felt drained that day.  I poured all I had into it.  In spite of my planning there was still things I wish I had said.  That evening one of my new friends from the past 6 months called to say that on Wednesday, Valentine’s day we had plans.  Um, no, we have to pack and leave Thursday morning for our trip to San Francisco.  Being my friend from New Jersey, no was not an answer.  Be ready by 6, you will be home about 9 and dress warm.  OMFG, what is she up to.  First, not a huge fan of surprises.  Second, Scott and Henry even said WTF.  But we all knew we would be ready at 6 in spite of our reservations.  Scott doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day so I figured maybe I would get some love out of this.  Boy did I.

That day I was busy.  I did some work.  I bought Justin Timberlake tickets, cause hello “Suit and Tie”.  I had an eye doctor appointment.  Then the dog kept throwing up so I had to take the puppy to the vet at 4:45.  As I was getting ready to  leave it came to my attention that I had spent the day with my pants inside out.  Pretty typical shit for me.  Got the dog back home with ear drops, meds and a $253 vet bill.  All in time to have 15 minutes to dress, grab a hat and gloves and be ready for our adventure.

We crammed in to their Honda Pilot, my family and theirs.  7 of us total.  I really had no clue.  We started with dinner at Burgermaster.  BTW, Valentines Day was one of the busiest nights I have seen there, we all mad cheap date jokes, that and weed jokes since the car next to us was Hot boxing.  After we headed into Seattle to Seattle Center.  OOOh, maybe we are going up the space needle.  Did I mention that it was colder than a witch’s tit?  That would be if a witch’s tit was 36 degrees.  At this point we were at a half wall near the fountain and on the side of the space needle were scrolling valentine’s messages.  I knew that they benefit the local AHA as I had worked there when the idea started.  Stacy gave us a card and explained that my friend, Shay had instigated this amazing idea and over a dozen women participated.  In addition to the messages we were waiting to see, there were gift cards to do family activities.  We were overwhelmed.  She said the messages would be on between 8 and 8:15.  Hear negative buzzer, nope didn’t happen.  During that time over and over we read that Jason loved Daina and that Bill and Karen Witter had something special going on with the space needle back in 1983.  Now the Cinderella family, Stacy, Dave, Brittany and Cousin, Tony; could win the funniest family from the East coast.  We made up creative stories about Bill and Karen.  Mostly to keep ourselves warm.  We figured the messages were behind.  Another 15 minutes and the “L’train” got away with the no obscenities by using a very nasty urban dictionary term that clearly AHA or Space Needle guy didn’t google.  But we did!  That gave us another 15 minutes of laughter.  Henry was starting to do the 15 year old freezing boy thing.  I said, this is too important to too many people our asses will be out here until we see this or we get hypothermia which ever comes first.  Poor Stacy.  My New Jersey friend was ready to hurt someone.  Not to mention the ladies that all pitched in had a group message going asking her why it had not happened, keep in mind they are watching a live feed of it from the comfort of their warm homes with glasses of wine.  Lots of swearing on our end.  As 9:00 approached we were starting to become weary and that is when it happened.  I thought it would be anticlimactic after freezing our asses off for an hour.  It was not.  It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.  It scrolled the following message on the side of the most recognizable landmark in Seattle.  “Be Kind #belikehayley.” “Be Real #belikehayley” “Be funny #belikehayley” “Remembering Hayley McCutcheon”.  I weeped.  I cried because I knew so many amazing woman that were honoring my daughter to try to help me realize she was not forgotten.  I cried because my daughter’s name was in lights.  I cried because it would never be a message from a boyfriend like Jason showing his love for her.  Scott and I held each other and cried.  The tears practically froze on our cheeks.  After watching it scroll three times I hope the Cinderella family knew how thankful we were that they stood outside with us.  But then we said “let’s get the fuck out of the cold”.  Just amazing.

I still had laundry to do and packing but it was totally worth the lack of sleep.  The next day the three of us and one of Henry’s friends headed to San Francisco for the holiday break.  Thank you to all of the women that made what had been a tough day into something special.  I was missing my valentine so badly, this put it in lights.  Thank you.