Her name is Elena

For the last week I have tried to figure out what to write about May 6th.  I posted photos and videos from my meeting with Hayley’s heart recipient.  The response is overwhelming.  Over 100 comments and messages.  Nearly 400 “likes”.  I knew the day was special but had no idea it would touch so many people and touch them so deeply.

We made a commitment the week Hayley died to honor her wish to be an organ donor.  But for me it was not enough to donate just any organs.  I was absolutely obsessed that week with her heart.  I knew if I could hear it beat for another then she wasn’t really gone.  Each day for 5 days we had to decide to continue walking through hell.  Could we wait for her heart to get stronger so that another could live.  Hayley’s heart was amazing.  It loved big.  She never had an issue telling you how she felt.  Her heart would not hold back.  Someone very lucky was going to get that heart.

The night we watched her being wheeled into the elevator knowing we would never see her beautiful hair, face and body again was gut wrenching.  We had to remember to breathe.  I could barely comprehend what was happening.  We went home to wait for news.  It was not long before we received a message saying that Hayley’s heart was indeed perfect.  It was being transplanted immediately.  We assumed this was a local donation and we hoped that we would be so lucky as to meet that person.  Last Sunday that dream came true for me.

In early March I began the process of reaching out to Hayley’s recipients.  You write a letter and send it to the Organ Procurement Organization in our state.  They then review the letter and forward it to the donor advocates.  They decide if the letter needs to be altered and then forwards it to the recipient.  In both cases I know about so far, both women were notified that a letter was on its way.  That must have been exciting and scary all at the same time.

In the case of her Heart, she received the letter on March 31st.  Her name is Elena. (pronounced E-Lane-a)  That afternoon I was home alone when I received a FB messenger request from a stranger.  Her name was Elena.  There was not message and I figured it was another one of those phishing messages and began to point my mouse towards delete.  But I accidentally clicked accept.  I waited and there was no message.  I could see the “….” that she was typing.  While I waited I decided to troll this stranger’s FB page.  I immediately saw a photo of a lovely woman with three teenagers and a dog.  I thought to myself, Hayley’s heart recipient had three kids.  In my mind those kids were young as we were mistakenly told she was in her 30s.  I struggled to scroll fast enough to find July 2017.  There she was in a hospital with the tell tale open heart pillow!  Open heart patients receive these pillows to help hold against their chest when coughing or moving at all.  Imagine trying to keep your healing chest from falling apart.  It was then that her message came through.  My first response was “are you her?” “Heart?”  It was.

I began hyperventilating and frantically walking from room to room saying “omg, omg, omg”.  The dogs thought I had finally cracked.  I called Terri, she was there when Hayley died, she needed to know.  She came over with adult beverages as Elena and I began to chat.  At the same time I was calling everyone that had been there that week.  The support.  The  people that escorted Hayley to that elevator.  I read them the message.  Everyone cried.  I called Hayley’s closest friends, they needed to hear this news!

When Scott got home I realized he was not ready to hear this news.  He had indicated when I wrote my letters that he didn’t know how he felt about it and it was too overwhelming to explore.  I understood.

For the next couple of weeks Elena and I chatted online nearly every single night.  I learned she messages from the shower.  She tends to run late.  She is a single mother.  She has two sons 19 and 17 and a daughter that just turned 16 on Hayley’s birthday.  She was born in Peru.  She served in the military for several years.

She told me her transplant story.  When she entered the hospital she was not sure she would ever leave.  Think about that.  You are 44 with three kids and you don’t know if you will live another month.  How brave she was to enter that hospital.  She told me this was her second transplant.  Her last heart lasted 14 years.  Hayley’s heart needs to be her forever heart.  I immediately responded with how amazing that was and how strong she must be.  She asked me “don’t you think I am greedy?”  What?  She thought I might think she didn’t deserve two 2nd chances.  I couldn’t believe it.  Not even for a second did that cross my mind.  I knew that the person in the most need that was a match to my child’s heart was the one that deserved it.  That was Elena.

We found that we had things in common besides being close to age and mothers.  We have had similar careers.  She was a dancer, dancing ballet for many years.  She continues to do Zumba and I laughed remembering Hayley making fun of me doing Zumba.  I asked her did she have a new love for reality tv.  YES, since her transplant she watches the Kardashians and doesn’t even like them.  I cried and smiled, Hayley’s heart would be happy.  I asked about food cravings!  She had not eaten meat for many years and now she craves steak all the time, one of Hayley’s top 5 foods.  She can’t get enough chips and salsa!  I don’t know if I believe it has anything to do with her new heart.  But it is fun to think that my girl is influencing her life in some way.

Hayley has done more than save Elena’s life.  She has saved three children from losing their mother.  She saved a mother from losing her daughter.  She saved a sister from losing her sister.  Elena has indicated how much Hayley’s story has inspired her.  She refers to it as Hayley’s heart.  I think the thing that gripped me the most was when she told me Hayley’s heart was so strong that they have to medicate her to combat its strength.  Her heart is big for Elena’s little body. But we all know Hayley had a big heart in all ways.

When we began talking about meeting I told her about my friend, Marni, a local news anchor, filming Hayley’s story.  It was scheduled to air soon.  I told her about how seeing Bob Conner’s story on the news on father’s day had initiated my conversation with Hayley about organ donorship.  I was hoping she would be willing to film our meeting.  We have the opportunity to reach thousands of people, to inspire them with Hayley’s gifts to be donors themselves.  I was shocked to learn that her own daughter had received a heart transplant as an infant.  If or when her daughter needs another transplant it could be from someone that saw our story, made the courageous choice to donate and saved lives just like Hayley did.  She agreed and we set the date of May 6th.

We decided to meet at my brother’s home in Orting.  This was exactly in the middle of our two homes.  This also gave Scott the option to be involved.  He chose not to attend this meeting.  He just was not ready.  Since last week he has been interested in learning more about Elena and is looking forward to watching the story when it airs on Tuesday.  He even sent her a FB friend request today.  I was sad that we didn’t share the moment together but grateful that we have such respect for each other and our journeys alone and together.

A few days before our planned meeting Elena asked if we could speak on the phone.  She was nervous about the filming idea.  When I answered the phone I was taken aback by the fact that she had such a cute accent.  Duh, Dawn, she was from Peru.  Yet this had never occurred to me.  We talked for 45 minutes.  I told her how important this was and she was able to get past her nerves.

On Sunday I was a nervous wreck.  I was bitchy, emotional and barely able to breathe.  I was nervous about two things, being filmed (aka being fat on film) and how would I react to hearing my child’s heart.  If I let my brain go to far and think of the actually physical science behind the act I felt nauseas and  knew I couldn’t handle the day.  On top of all that I could not find the stethoscope I had ordered.  My amazing sister in law called around and found one at a Walgreens and despite the fact that strangers were descending on her home AND it was her birthday, she drove to get it for me.  Once I had a xanax on board I was able to go to the store, pick up fixings for a bbq and head south.  I shook my head in the car thinking, I am having a bbq to meet my daughter’s heart.  When Marni arrived shortly after me, we came up with the plan.  They would wait out front for Elena and interview her briefly and put her mic on.  I was already wired for sound.  I would then answer the door when she knocked.  My family, brother, sister in law and two nieces watched out the window as Marni and a wonderful cameraman watched for Elena.  4:00 was our meeting time.  Crap, I forgot to tell them about Elena time!  At about 4:15 my sister said she was there and described her.  I told them to stop spying.  When the door knock came I took a deep breath and opened the door.

We embraced, she is so much smaller than me!  How can someone so small be so mighty?  I couldn’t stop hugging her.  I hugged her until it may have been awkward.  She handed me yellow flowers.  I looked to Marni, what now?  We headed to the back yard and sat.  I couldn’t stop staring at her and her scars.  My mind was numb from trying to comprehend that my daughter’s heart was right there below the surface.  We were a bit awkward I think because we were being filmed.  I can only hope they edit it so we appear calm and collected, lol.  We exchanged gifts.  I had brought her a Hayley glassy baby that I had purchased for her before I knew her.  She gave me a teddy bear with what looked like a speaker with it.  I knew immediately what she planned to do and I was overwhelmed.  She plans to record her heart beat on the 24th when she has her next biopsy and therefore an Echocardiogram.   She even asked if I wanted to go with her.  What an absolutely perfect gift.  I am excited to be able to listen to Hayley’s heart at home where I can ugly cry without witnesses!

I asked if I could use the stethoscope.  I cannot tell you how I felt because even I am not sure.  I am still trying to process my emotions from that moment.  It may sound silly but I knew that sound!  She said “you made that heart”.  I started to lose it but pulled back emotionally and made a crack about our gene pool.  Awkward.  I clamped down so hard on my emotions I could feel my heart cramping.  But I had to do that.  My mind still cannot process Hayley’s death completely.  If I thought too hard about what I was hearing I knew I would crack.  I had to pull from a pool of strength I didn’t know I still possessed.

My sister in law, brother and niece listened too.  They all had the same reaction, tears of joy and amazement.  Even Marni who had met Hayley on a few occasions listened in awe at the wonderful heart that was beating on.  If I had gotten to pick her recipient I could not have picked a more worthy woman than Elena.  She is kind, funny and real.  Just like Hayley.

 

Our story will air on Tuesday, May 15th at 9:00 p.m. on JoeTV, locally 110 and again on Q13 Fox news at 10:00 p.m. on channel 113.  Depending on the news cycle it will air again on Q13 at 4:00 or 5:00 on Wednesday.