Hayley’s favorite date of the entire year was April 29th, her birthday. I made a decision when she was born that Birthdays would always be a big deal in our house. I can remember clearly the night that Scott and I decided it was time to have kids. We talked about parenting philosophies, what did we want family life to look like, how many kids and what kind of childhood did we want to give our future offspring. This memory cracks me up. We were 26 and 31, what the hell did we know about raising kids. It is pretty funny. We talked about Birthdays. Some of our friends had kids and they had big birthday parties and they were awesome. They were really more for the parents. We both agreed that we wanted to go big on Birthdays. I told him how my Mom always made me the same cake most of my childhood, lemon-lime refrigerator cake. I wanted to develop our own traditions. When Henry was born 9 days after Hayley’s birthday it became even more important that we make both dates equally special.
Hayley was all in on this plan. We went to the zoo for birthdays every year (yes even as a teen). We surprised the kids with Disneyland one year. We always had a theme. Her first year at college we were lucky that her birthday was on a Saturday and she would be home for the weekend. She was very clear that we would always be physically present on her birthday forever. She made sure we understood that meant when her Birthday fell on a weekday that she fully expected that all three of us would spend that day in Bellingham. We created a birthday monster, the tolerable kind.
On her 18th birthday she wanted a plain Safeway cake. She was very clear that she wanted no theme, she was an adult. Being opinionated didn’t just happen, that apple fell very close to the tree. We had to have a theme, that was my rule. So I went rogue and ordered a very adorable Monster University cake to celebrate that she was heading off to college and she loved Disney.
The tantrum that she threw in the Safeway bakery was epic. I kid you not. She was so upset. I am not exaggerating, she threw a full out tantrum, tears were involved. I remember angrily pushing that cake around the store in our cart while we finished our shopping. I was pissed, she was being ridiculous. She thought I was insensitive because I didn’t honor her wishes on HER birthday. We both stomped around Safeway, both on the verge of tears. I was torn between wanting to teach her that 18 year olds should not throw tantrums. I wanted credit for the cute idea. I did not want to admit I was wrong. I yelled at Scott through text about his bratty daughter. Being Scott he simply replied, “Dawn it is not about you, it is her birthday, get the cake she wants, not the one you want”. Well Shit. So we went back to the bakery. She hung back. I had to explain to the baker that although her work was beautiful we needed to make some changes. I asked her to take the plastic characters off the cake. She insisted on me taking them in a baggy since I had paid for them. Mike and Sully were mocking me in my purse. It was still a cake with an outdoor scene and a path. I approached Hayley the way you would a caged tiger. I asked her if flowers would be acceptable. She graciously agreed. I went back to the counter, she added some flowers and we were out the door with the almost plain cake. I had thoughts about how I would destroy the stupid Mike and Sully characters in my purse when I was alone. I recently came across those two smirking bastards in one of my desk drawers.
One year, Hayley insisted that she wanted the Safeway princess cake. The one with the barbie in it and the cake was it’s skirt. This was my DIY phase in life. I insisted that I could make this cake on my own, I didn’t need to pay Safeway $50 bucks. (Don’t even ask about some of Henry’s cakes and Halloween costumes) She had already had a big party at the magic arcade type place that I cannot remember the name of, Illusions maybe? She had a beautiful store bought cake at that party. (yes each kid usually had two celebrations, three if you count the ones I did in the classrooms) For her actual birth date party, I made the cake. I realized that the skirt was made of little piped rosettes all over the skirt. I mixed frosting, I was going for a light blue and pink. It turned out looking more like sunburn skin and mint green. I quickly got bored and my hand cramped from squeezing all those little dots on that damn cake. I finally gave up and just slapped frosting on one side. I had also not waited long enough for the cake to cool and the rosettes were sliding off the skirt and barbie would not stand up straight, the little bitch. Barbie was slowly falling backwards. She barely remained standing through the candle lighting and singing. She was litteraly sliding to the floor like she had just gotten lit at a Vegas girl’s trip, she had nipples and had gotten dressed in the dark. Hayley had her best friend Bailey over to celebrate, it was her 5th birthday. There was some snarky comments from the adults but Hayley was so proud of that cake. She told everyone how her Mom had made it for her. She mentioned it took forever and might have said that she had heard some bad words. She was so sweet and so kind, the cake was terrifying looking.
Several years later she had some friends over. It was middle school. That little brat threw me under the bus. She told her friends about this awful princess cake I made and found a photo in our albums to share. She said that I still owed her a real Cinderella Cake. For her 17th Birthday I ordered that cake from Safeway. It was a huge surprise. She had probably forgotten. I eagerly went to pick the cake up. I opened the box and again I kid you not, it was like deja vu. It was the most horrifying looking Cinderella I had ever seen. It was like Cinderella on Meth. It said Happy Birthday Harley. I literally started crying in Safeway. I sent a picture of it to my friend. After she probably finished laughing she said make them fix it. I asked the baker if she had number one made the cake and when she said no, number two, had she looked at the cake. I explained to her that my daughter had always wanted this cake and the one I held looked nothing like the model she had pointed out on the counter over the years. I was seriously crying. The poor woman did not know what the hell to do with me. She took one look at the cake and was desperately trying not to say “what the fuck”. I asked, was it the decorators last day on the job? She promised that she would make a new one in time for the party that evening so that my little girl would not be disappointed. She asked me how old was my daughter. Without hesitation I said 17. I recall baker side eye. I picked up the perfect Cinderella Cake just in time that night. We laughed about the photos of the first one. Hayley loved that cake, she still has the Cinderella Barbie in her room.
All of her birthdays were epic. The goody bags were the best part. The themes included: zoo, lady bug, bowling, earth day, peace signs and so many more. We had sleepovers at the Westin. Movie nights, bouncy houses, rainbow play system, that magic themed place in Issaquah that used to be Ernst and is now a gym. It is only fitting that one of my favorite photos was taken on her last birthday, her 19th. She was always grateful. She always loved her gifts. She loved that we always went to one of her two favorite places for her birthday dinner through the years. Golden Chopstix at Redmond Town Center or Stan’s BBQ in Issaquah. Safeway has come through for me over the years with several custom cupcake cakes and one perfect Cinderella cake. She always said she had a birthday week. It started on her birthday and ended on Henry’s birthday. She deserved a lifetime of birthdays.
Happy Birthday, Amazing Girl. You are so loved and missed!