Sleepless in Sammamish

I used to post that on Facebook whenever I was facing down a night of insomnia.  “Sleepless in Sammamish”.  Hayley would make fun of me, “Really mom, were you sleepless IN Sammamish”.  Clearly she did not get the Sleepless in Seattle reference.  That makes me realize and remember two things.  Number one we loved each other through sarcasm every chance we got.  Second, I never got to share the best of the 80’s and early 90’s movies with her.  I had thought about it, having a movie night and making her watch an 80’s movie marathon.  Sixteen Candles would have led the night off followed by Pretty Woman.  I would throw in Pretty in Pink and the Breakfast Club.  My plan was to torture her with these movies during her recovery the same way her and her friends tortured me with the IN THEATER Twilight marathon!

But why did I wait?  I had thought about watching those movies with her for years.  Most nights or weekends I was too busy working to be the best at my job.  Why didn’t I turn off the laptop and snuggle on the couch with her and get lost in the Molly Ringwald characters.  Who could beat Ducky and the Donger!?!  She would have loved the one on one time, maybe not the movies but she would have loved the time together.  She was not your typical teen.  She actually wanted to spend time with me.  What did I do?  I tried not to be selfish and tried to push her out into the world to experience fun with her friends not with her mom.  What a fool I was.  How lucky was I.  To have this beautiful child that wanted to spend time with me.  If you have not already, you must watch one of these movies with your teen.  Let them make fun of you, but watch the movies.  Pay them if you have to.

She used to want to follow me around Home Goods.  I love wandering Home Goods.  I didn’t always buy anything it was the alone time and looking for a special treasure.  Sometimes I would sneak out of the house so I could go alone.  When I let her go with me she would be right on my heels, my little negative mojo.  “That’s dumb.  You don’t need that.  No I won’t put that in my room.  Mom there is no more room in my dorm.”  I would get annoyed with her, snap at her, tell her to sit in that chair and I will come get you when I was done.  One time I snuck out to HG and she drove her own car and showed up any way!  LOL.  I was at Home Goods last week.  I would have given any body part to have that stinker on my heels ruining my me time.  If you are so lucky to have a shadow, embrace it.  I didn’t always do that.

Learn the technology.  Instant message your teens.  Try to have an entire conversation in Memes, Gifs, Stickers and Emojis.  The weekend before her surgery Hayley and I did just that.  One of these days I will share it.  If you don’t know how to do that google it!

We liked to go to parks.  If they had water even better.  We didn’t care.  We spent so much time in the parks in Bellingham, yet she had barely explored what that beautiful area has to offer.  We had a plan to buy a small RV and start touring all of the National Parks until we had seen them all.  Just the two of us.  We thought we could do it by the time she was 30.  Not sure if that was ever realistic but again how lucky was I.  Your kids don’t have to be little to benefit from parks.  Buy a discover pass, keep it in your car.  Make it a point to know the parks around us.  Stop and take 15 minutes out of your day with your child.  No cell phones.  Just you.  You would be amazed and possibly dismayed at what they might share with you.  I need to resurrect this with Henry.  I will pay him if I have to.  But get that time outside exploring our tax dollars at work.  Buy the Discover Pass.  Visit one state park a month.  Doesn’t have to be a big planned out affair just know where the parks are and if you happen to be nearby, stop the car.  At that point your teen is your hostage.  Use it to your advantage.  I love thinking about my park time with Hayley.

Do crafts.  Hayley loved to do crafts.  We called it art.  Man we sucked at it.  They are never too old for crafts.  You don’t have to be good at it.  Just do something.  One time I taught her to crochet.  She never made anything except a long curly chain, but she was proud of that chain.  Use magazines to make a collage.  Let them have a can of spray paint and a flower pot and go at it.  They will bitch and moan that they have better things to do.  Again offer bribes.  Once they get going they will have fun.  Plus you will have some artwork for the garage!

Do a Puzzle.  Every summer we chose a puzzle and put it out on our dining table.  I was usually the only one that worked on it but occasionally I would be able to entice a kid to come over and help me.  My trick was to sort the pieces and put a pile of easy ones in front of their chair.  They would sit down start matching them up and wonder why you were such an idiot to miss those pieces.  More than half the summers we did not finish the puzzle but that was not the point.  Another place to “be”.

Like the eighties classics there are so many other things I didn’t get a chance to do with Hayley because I thought there was plenty of time.  I didn’t take her to a glassy baby 2nd sale to show her how grown women lose their minds.  We didn’t take her brother and dad back to show them Washington DC.  She and I had the best trip there but talked about sharing it with the boys.  Some of my favorite family memories include Mariner’s games and Putt Putt golf.  Camping in a small “cabin” with a family of mice.  This was our way to find out the McCutcheons were not campers.  Go to at least one Seahawk game, splurge.  Go to Seattle and be a tourist for the day.  These are all things that Hayley made us do.  She was our cruise director.  If you don’t have a director in your family assign each person a month.  Tell them it is their job to find something for the family to do.  Give them a budget or tell them it has to be free.  Always take a family selfie and print them and put them on the fridge.  Don’t let their whining and complaining stop you, remember you actually are in charge until you are no longer paying their way.  Use this to your advantage to create family memories.

Your child is not going to die like mine did.  But they will grow up, move out, make more friends, find a partner and you will get less time.  Do everything you can while they are your captive little audience.  Post your photos on Facebook so others can steal your ideas!  They don’t always need big expensive entertaining vacations.  We couldn’t, but we made the most of the ones we did take.  Don’t let finances or work or excuses get in your way.  Find a way.  These will be the memories you have created for your teens.  Heck they may at some point think you were actually cool.

Don’t wake up like me one night and regret what you didn’t do.  Think about what you did do.  Create a memory this week.  Do it for Hayley.